Rantings

2006-10-26T22:46:00.000-07:00

the week stalls here, leading to an extended weekend. I was lookin' fwd to tmr at first but not anymore.

I was just reporting to von about my daily emotional upheavels and boy, she says it's bad. hm, I'd rather feel than not, I guess. I cant and shant elaborate any further. talk is useless anw; it's not gonna change nothing for tmr.

(: CHEER ME UP! ...at the very least, we're friends?
oGay then. haha.
I dont know if that means waiting when I dont know what I'll be waiting for. hm. yeah yeah, moving on seems so logical but I cant kick the habit, aiight? scoffs.
aye, meanwhile, we'll just play pretend. sometimes, I feel like I'm just as dillusional as dawn is. HAHAHA! then again, maybe not.

I like spilling out here where no one really bothers how much I drone to emo-ness. perhaps the only person getting annoyed would be myself. haha. I hate feeling so horrid and then regretting in the morning! it's like a bloody hang-over.

oh NEW FLASH! I'm so addicted to 'Princess Hours'! ahahah... I'm actually following a korean drama since winter sonata. -.- hurr. anw I enjoy it cos it's damn lame.

right. better run before my neck snaps.
adieu.

2006-10-23T18:36:00.000-07:00

oh hello again.

school did take 1/2 the load of pms off me. (: dawn laughed till she cried again and it made me chottle even harder than I alrdy was. haha thankyou for making my day, EJ. after which, everything made me giggle, even when I'm staring into space. HUR!!! it's prolly pms driving me round in circles but at the very least, I wasnt still as glum.

well, a coupla others made me smile too! :D esp, ____. WAHAHA!
I told natasha that my wedding with thomas is annulled.

I SUBpassed my chinese, baby! imagine if I had mugged for it. woohoo! you bet I'm gonna pass my A'level chinese. go, gen, GO! I thank God for that tinge of Hope that He blesses me with, everyday.

death note was great. I think 'L' looks soo adorable! (: I'm anticipating for the sequel. QUICK!

2006-10-22T01:28:00.000-07:00

promos are finally over and I've been living the life that was on hiatus for the longest time!

dawn and I had intended to catch 'little miss sunshine' on thursday but it was apparently not screened at lido hence we settled for 'the prestige' instead; whilst 'the black dahlia' was overrated (like many other great movies are). anyhow, we enjoyed the movie aplenty! I shant elaborate and spoil it for anyone who's planning to watch. for the little time we had left, we walked around the shops for a quick glance for fashion.

so our shopping spree continues on the next day, and I've finally gotten hold on my suspenders and capri-shorts! (: plus my sexy darkblue nail polish. awwwesome!

next up this hols, von and I have decided to do a gig at one of the diner's for alil keching!. simultaneously, yien and I will be doing another one before that as well. (: I cant wait! *prays*

aiight, I'm too tired. gdnight!

2006-10-14T21:07:00.000-07:00

good evening and you must be wondering what hell am I doing here instead of cramming for ze most impt exam of my life. hm, beats me, but I do have smth to say.

so much has been happening to me, along with a transformation that I cant delay. I've never cared so much for the approaching year with such paradoxical feelings of immense excitement and anxiety, that it's coexistence makes me wild in raving frenzy.

my current and only propelling force is, collectively, YOU. I wont begin on what I'll be like without you 'cause I choose to believe that we'll be class/level mates again. without a doubt, we will.

I thank God for the Hope He brings amidst the dire straits I'm fixed in. Jesus died for many causes and as insignificant as this one may be, I stand firm on my belief.

for as long as I shall live, I will testify...

1 more DAY.

2006-10-09T06:21:00.000-07:00

a weekend wasted on nothing. how inept can I get? well, it's just another 7 days to go before I face my deadliest fate. (: gen will be brave. I hope. I'm forgoing the history outline and everything else this morning cos another look at the stuff will snap me into a million shreds. God! HELP ME!

the vilest news aired yesterday and I guess you cant prepare for a shock afterall. I may have possibly held my hopes too high for him to stay cos I thought he'd be God's best pick for us. well, I guess probably not. right now, the future of SALT seems so bleak when he's going away.

I'll have tears as you take off,
but I'll cheer as you fly.

2006-10-07T16:28:00.000-07:00

it's my second time watching the video for the 'Free Hugs Campaign' and I am once again emotionally swayed in putting this up to spread humanity.

there's always a hellova controversy over how life has become less meaningful to live for these days even though we have improved so much on a global scale, just to prolong life expectancy, slash mass diseases, eliminate poverty as far as possible and etcetera; all at the expense of ali'l compassion. coming from the observation that people in the past were more contented with life than the population today, perhaps they were also closer to their neighbours.

alternatively, there's a minor likelihood that there is still enough 'love' to go around. only that the world has multiplied a hundred times over now, it's even harder for everyone to reach out to everyone else. just as a smaller family might be knitted closer than one of a larger number, the same applies to our current situation. then again, there are a million rebuttles against that.

on another note, one of the reasons why there's a change of heart could be incongruously due to the peace that we enjoy now. in the past, when life was alot harder to live by, everyone was compelled to draw closer for survival but as life gets increasingly easier to live by, people do not get by 'thick and thin' together and thus straining relations.

in any case, it doesnt call for a seizure of efforts made for a better living. if compassion should begin, it should begin with me. (:

PS: see, joan! I told you the profession would work! hehe. HUGS!

2006-10-06T23:09:00.000-07:00

1. how old do you wish you were?
17 - always! (:

2. where were you when 9/11 happened?
at home watching the twin towers crash.

3. what do you do when vending machines steal your money?
nothing.

4. do you consider yourself kind?
alittle, but not all the time.

5. if you had to get a tattoo, where would it be?
my sexy right ankle!

6. if you could be fluent in any other language, what would it be?
espaniol.

7. do you know your neighbours?
nope.

8. what do you consider a vacation?
to experience a unique culture with the people that I'm comfortable with.

9. do you follow your horoscope?
nope.

10. would you move for the person you love?
most probably not.

11. are you touchy feely?
quite. HAHA! :x

12. do you believe that opposites attract?
I dont know for sure.

13. dream job?
to be a celebrity. (ha, you said it's a dream!)

14. favourite tv channels?
hallmark, star world and AXN (HAHA!).

15. favourite place to go on weekends?
gardens for dinner/chillout on saturday nights and church on sundays.

16. showers or baths?
baths! (psst von, let's have bubble bath sometime! hehe)

17. do you paint your nails?
used to until I figured that I'm destroying my nails.

18. do you trust people easily?
well it depends.

19. what are your phobias?
I'm not sure for most things but I do know that I'm afraid to fall in love. HA!

20. do you want kids?
hm. you gotta start by finding me comparable suitors first.

21. do you keep a handwritten journal?
nope.

22. where would you rather be now?
nowhere else.

23. who makes you warm and fuzzy?
a hug. (:

24. heavy or light sleeper?
heavy - I think. ask aggie. lol.

25. are you paranoid?
uh huh.

26. are you impatient?
most definitely. speed is me when I'm awefully stressed out.

27. who can you relate to?
most people, I guess?

28. how do you feel about interracial couples?
normal.

29. have you been burned by love?
urgh, sadly so.

30. what's your pick-up line?
'hey! your fly's down!' hahaha, I'm kidding.

31. what's your main ringtone on your mobile?
'*whistles* TAXI!'

32. what were you doing at midnight last night?
sleeping.

33. what did the last text on your mobile say?
'haha... I can start getting in shape first!'

34. whose bed did you sleep in last night?
MINE.

35. what colour shirt are you wearing?
blue.

36. most recent movie you watched?
the pink panther. hahaha lame show that made me laugh like lame.

37. name three things you have on at all times.
cell, wallet and hairband.

38. what colour are your bedsheets?
YELLOW!

39. how much cash do you have right now?
$5. HA!

40. what's your favourite part of the chicken?
thighs.

41. what's your favourite town/city?
it's Paris for now until I get to experience NewYork. (:

42. i can't wait till:
promos are over.

43. what did you have for dinner last night?
instant tomyam noodles w/ scrambled egg.

44. how tall are you barefoot?
shut up. :p

45. do you own a gun?
yes and I'm gonna shoot you after this.

46. what do you prefer to drink in the morning?
tea. anytime!

47. where do you think you'll be in 10 years?
I'd rather not expect what life would be cos the essence of it lies in uncertainty. (I'll be your next Ghandi for all you might know, people! or maybe just... 'Raju'. haha)

48. last thing you ate?
chips.

49. what songs do you sing in the shower?
I dont sing in the shower.

50. last thing that made you laugh?
'my *po**y lies over the ocean...' lol.

51. worst injury you ever had?
sprained ankle, I suppose?

52. does someone have a crush on you?
like I'd know that.

53. what's your favourite candy?
chupachups COKE!

54. what song do you want played at your funeral?
good question! ask me again when I've the ans.

55. eight people to do this?
I'll name just THREE:
DAWN LEE JINGYI!
SANN & SARAH! (:

love you babes. muacks!
---

damn, I took the longest time to complete this so I expect von to read it 10 times over cos I did it for her ('dya hear me li';'l one?)!

anw, I've decided to take action against my fat-issue. boys and girls, I'm not complaining/whining for no good reason, but I really need to tone up my flacid (and almost wrinkling) muscles. so I asked mummy if I could sign up for gym and surprisingly she approved! whoots! better news is, she's gonna join with me. hehehe. cool shiatness! I cant wait to look stunning. whee!

ok, break time is over and now it's BED time. (:
when there's no one else to cradle me, 'thomas, will you read to me?'
haha, ok, g'night fairies!

2006-10-01T16:11:00.000-07:00

it is upon reading aggie's post about the slur on IJ girls that prod me to update.

first of all, I am reprehensibly ashamed of my indifference to the aticle when I first read it at the breakfast table - for the sake of completing 10 years of basic education in a convent, I am morally coerced to stand up for the past and the future of our heritage.

I should say that most of us are more than grateful to be raised in a holistic environment and none who have been through conventhood can say it is comparingly similar to any govt schools. alas, we are constantly under the public's austere scour just because we are expected to fulfill a panoramic image of ourselves.

the moment we are enrolled in these IJs, we are none but celebrities - set apart in society, called to be 'Superwomen' of every era. we are deemed to be sophisticated, linguistic, demure and etcetera, above all, we set the benchmark of a perfect lady.

so who's to say that we dont live up to it?

in the arts business, we have kit chan leading a popular large scale musical the forbidden city and the spokesperson for the world wildlife foundation on discouraging culling of endangered animals. the next most respectable woman in the media would be diana ser with her renowned talk show what women want, reflective of the real needs and glitch of the feminine gender in modern society. in other vacations, there is ms jessica teo, a young yet prospective general manager in the financing industry and miss jessica ___, a lecturer in vjc, one of Singapore's top 5 junior colleges.

although one might say that these are the eminent ones and their success cannot stand true for all other IJ girls, then one must question if there is such a thing as a perfect guild in a society. by judging us on the length of our pinafore is finding fault because the same situation persists in every school (be it single or co-ed). to call us 'easy when it comes to the opposite sex' (aka cheap) is a fallacy because there is no reason why should boys should be crawling all over us if we're not up to standard.

to put it simply, the public's vista is bias such as the neighbourhood schools have no such legacy and reputation to uphold.

2006-09-30T23:36:00.000-07:00

you call them 'bestfriends' but just how well do you know them?

I dont wanna grow up today.
not tomorrow.
... not ever,
'cause I dont fit in.

2006-09-26T23:34:00.000-07:00

reader's discretion!
pls take your leave if you cant internalize reality's catastrophy.

'life isnt all ha ha hee hee' - could anyone further simplify? it's true. sometimes we get carried away with happiness, being caught in a moment of adrenaline rush makes us think that all the torments and toils are worth a jiffy. yet, we still choose to curb our dark emotions through trying times and earn an extra penny, ultimately for a priceless place in Heaven; someday.

I believe that no one can possibly understand the extent of desolation I experience at some point in everyday, but I'm glad that I have angels to walk with me. however, on a few occasions, God would take a stroll with me alone because in times like these, He knows that I need Him more than any angel can give. (:

and He had just spoken to me through me. :/ O! paradoxical statement. haha.

it's my mummy's birthday today but I havent got time to get a gift or even to spend it with her. truly, I've only realized how difficult it is - to be juggling both family and work at the same time. I hope she knows that I love her and even more than I ever have all these years. smth to aspire to be, is to acknowledge that quality time spent to build a relationship exceeds the desire of affording a better lifestyle in the future.

and You told me who I am.
I am Your's.

2006-09-24T23:11:00.000-07:00

today's been a dread. everything around me had been so awkward and I just dont know how to deal.

I'm going back to school tmr and I dont wanna expect the least possible outcome; namely 'cause I've missed out on quite abit and I havent been revising for the duration. nvrtheless, like what they say, "trust in our Father at all times, gen!", hence that's what I will do. (:

for all these while, I just wanna thank God for these people who had evidently reached out to offer me the emotional/moral encouragement that I direly needed:

henry:
handsome! thanks for hearing me out that faithful day when I was in a big ugly mess. where Spain awaits for us. (: love.

Von:
I was glad to have you over on friday, girl. saturday was a bliss hanging out as well. we'll do it again when my promos end, aiight? whatever that you may be going through, rmb that when God brings you to it, He'll bring you through it.

Aiks:
if you will ever ever happen to read this: like I've said it before, you're a very wonderful girl and thank you so much for the postcard and sms tonight.

MaryMary:
haha you might not know it but your words tonight gave me a good tug. thanks. work hard, mate!

JoshuaLEE DAYONG:
I'll prolly bring you to this post just to let you know that your msges are always the most perculiar ones that I'll ever receive! hahaha anyhow, thanks for the li'l injected humour in the sms (effort: 3/5? lol, kidding), for lending me your cool jacket and your sweet kindness in many little ways. (: cheers! now, back to MAAAAAATH!

Dawn:
ahh. have my reasons for putting you last (like, leaving the best for last? haha) right, your spastic sense is contagious. lol! for a start, I'm sorry I hadnt been there lately 'cause the immensity of stress really got on my nerves and health. like before, I wanna be with you, lovelay! so let's mug really hard to get promoted!
---

ok, for all those who had been there in a way or another and had not received a personal note on my post tonight, fret not. you've definitely contriubuted to an integral part of my slow (but hopefully steady) recovery. I thank God for angels.

speakin' of which, let me share a miracle with you (reader):
if you refer to one of my previous posts, I had asked God for an angel but as said in the bible, 'women of little faith!' I didnt hold true to my prayer. but 2 days later, I received 2 letters out of the blue and it made me say, "ha! what's the occasion?" and aiks (if I'm not wrong) calmly replied, "cause God's sending His angels my dear,"

!!!

ok, now back to work.
Jesus, I will never let You go...

2006-09-22T09:01:00.000-07:00

pardon me but I have difficulties explaining my current situation in complete sentences.

wednesday
down and out.
thursday
the fatigue continues.

there's a clear sign of disbelieve and unforgiveness but in fact, my absence isnt my excuse. frankly, medicine doesnt go too well with insomnia. I'm merely suicidal. perhaps choking up with sleeping pills could feel much less paralysing than a psychosomatic lumber.

God bless that bitch.
I salute those who garners strength to pray for such a two-faced whore 'cause with all my might, I wanna see that wretched guise under my scalpel.
---

I should go look for daddy today and I hope he isnt working.

Jesus, what would you do,
if you'd walk a mile in my shoes?

captured in a profound lost.

2006-09-20T17:15:00.000-07:00

do you care?

2006-09-19T23:28:00.000-07:00

here's a series of fanatical events:

I met Mark on bus 851 this morning.
he smiled.
I smiled.
I met Mark again after school.
he smiled.
I smiled.
and I told him that I had a dream abt him.
now, someone pls shed some light:
why would I tell an aquantence such a thing?

stress causes loony syndromes.

as I was crossing at the traffic light,
a car almost hit me.
when I was almost across the road,
a bike almost hit me again!
why didnt I hear a honk or am I alrdy dead?

stress deafens and blinds.

I couldnt help laughing hysterically at the dinner table and passing crappy comments.

stress is senseless!
just like this post.

IF I fail, remind me not to take promos again.
---

am having a relatively aweful throat and my body&mind are screaming for rest!

just recalled smth aggie told me sometime ago abt how "we cant expect others to be there for us when we cant afford the same for them". ahh. prudently said. it's time to learn that as much as globalization can draw humankind closer, a surreal force can repel us further apart also.

all I need is alil comfort that no one can give. :/

2006-09-18T19:03:00.000-07:00

my mood's swinging from tree to tree; almost like a ticking time-bomb without a meter.

I'm only approaching the promos in less than a month and the pressure can snap me into bits. even though I'm aware that I am not be the only person undergoing this phase, I cant help but feel very much abandoned when friends do not understand my plight or simply choose not to. whichever it may be, I'd rather not dwelve into deeper thoughts of it cos it hurts to know that their love doesnt extend to care for me.

got this from Eunice's blog and it says:
a True Friend reaches out to touch your hand but touches your heart.

IMPT NOTE: I'm not pinpointing at any one/clique in particular. no offence.

I miss SALT very much even though we just had a session yesterday. but sadly, I'm not implying that they are a grp that has been excluded from the opinion above. oh well. no one's perfect. I had better go pray to God and ask for an angel soon cos I cant go on like this on my own for another day.

bye all - I still love you as much.

2006-09-17T18:00:00.000-07:00

I'm tired of waiting
Cause you'll never look around
To meet my eyes and tell
the only heart I've found
As quiet gazes scream
a jolting from a distant dream
prevailing Prayers unheard
the letter of a pining chi.
---

"make rainy days summer," says Handsome.
stop musing, my boy.
---

I'm gonna pow-wow! (:

2006-09-16T07:21:00.000-07:00

woke up at 4am, intending to finish up that BLS ('bloody late submission' - ESng) sept hols compre but ended up slacking around after shower. (time loss is incurred, I obviously need more time i.e T>MT, I will be better off if I had more time or if I had spent the past 2 hours wisely, hence there is productive inefficiency). ha, feel free to correct my econs concept.

lately, been thinkin' 'bout you baby...
sigh! but when I think abt God's love and my wonderful gfs, I'm a whole lot better. (: cant wait to meet joan and von later at 10 and teri and mag (perhaps) tonight.

there's a hell lotta work to be done over this weekend - SCHOOL JOYS (that are not exactly delightful) and hellova revision for 2 upcmg tests! it's time to prove my aptitude in econs and LIT, dear me. gosh, speaking of which, I wouldve passed my assignment if not for the VLS ('very late submission'). hur. then again, GSpencer wouldve given me a fateffinass zero if I had hand it in to him instead. be grateful, gen. ha! anw, *Francis (dawn's friend and/IS mine as well! LOL) said yesterday, that he notices my effort put into math! yay yay hurray! it's a huge piece of encouragement since neverland and I will work even harder to do Francis Proud!

*Francis aka Mr. Francis Tan: math tutor of CTG126.

I'm gonna sing Praises to God in this post as well because He has guided me daily and kept me within sanity boundaries despite the insecurities, heartaches, fears, and stress that I've been experiencing everyday. Thank You, Jesus!

anw it's time to get crackin'. good day all!

2006-09-13T06:02:00.000-07:00

am stealing time off to do this to take time off from the infinite persuit of attempting to complete absorbing and applying knowledge. yesterday, ms ML mentioned that everything we learn in JC is no longer enough just to absorb but we are required to apply them. how true. 9/10 of the things that we study wouldnt appear as they are on our scripts, boy! this feeling of uncertainty reminds me of how I took my first CA in primary one when I had no idea of what was required so I penned anything that came to my mind (eg. I wear a sock on my hand). hahaha what was I thinking? snorts.

anyhow, I came to tell YOU children out there, to only consider studying in a JC if you score below 12 points at your O's. I MEAN IT! anw, it's written in PAE/JAE booklet that one who scores below 12 points is encouraged to opt for a JC education which directly implies that the govt seconds my argument as well! besides, a poly education deems a brighter future to me as of this day because a Diploma is universal - you have it, you can get a decent paying job (irregardless of climbing corperate ladders of course, but you can always get a degree later). on the other hand, an A'level cert with C's and D's can not only hinder you a seat in the U, and you cannot get a better job than a Dip holder. ha. now you weigh the odds.

that's all for this very early morning post. I'm off to ~~chore~~ school.

have Faith and a good day, lovelays!

2006-09-10T21:20:00.000-07:00

this fear is so real that it can almost fill my lungs.
is there anyone who would hold me close and still protect me like a child? 'cause these vultures and teeth are heading for my bones as we speak.

work hard, gen. you can and must promote. trust in God at all times.

2006-09-10T01:33:00.000-07:00

I'm sorry to have put up that fight with'e both of you,
and I didnt mean to hurt or cry.
I guess it was just me again,
trying to learn and love at the same time.
something could've stopped me,
but I still cant let you go.
guess we'll stay like this forever,
this way - I love you so.
---

(:
the irony of being wise, is to be rational. do I make any sense? ha, you bet I do. did william shakespeare ever quote himself, I wonder. oh well. 1 more day 'til school reopens and I dont know if I'm able to handle it. Holy Spirit, I need you at all times.

sleep sweet, love.

2006-09-06T11:11:00.000-07:00

9.41am: breakfast / Rockstars Inc.
watched Lukas Rossi again and damn! he gives me goosebumps... in a good sense of course. got Abraham to send me 'Headspin' and it makes me wanna be up on the stage again.

yes!
I miss singing like it's my last song; and I miss being free.

there's so much that I wanna say,
but this is no longer a safe space for me.
thus I'll lock them together with you -
in my heart.

ok! I'm done. ciao.

2006-09-05T23:26:00.000-07:00

first things first, I cried buckets at the rally last night and honestly, I was alrdy holding back at least half of it. hahaha. nvrtheless, it felt great to let it all out and be freed again. thanks to Jesus for healing me! I didnt quite feel it at first and I began to question God's purpose of bringing me there until Fr S Pereira began the 'power stuff' (haha, dont know what to call that, really) and I felt a sudden gush of emotions arising. I've been suppressing them for so long and I just didnt wanna keep them in anymore so I began to cry; even more when he prayed for those who are stressed with exam preps.

am glad that joan and von let it out as well. (: be strong, my darlings! loves.
---

today, I said the students' prayer on my way to gardens to study with mag and guess what? IT WORKED! I practiced math from 11plus till 10plus just now. (: wasnt quite progressive but I guess I could say that I was productive, at least. haha.

aiight, I'm suffering from a migraine now - prolly from too much math. gtg. gdnight.

2006-09-04T13:57:00.000-07:00

I'm not getting over you but I'm alright.

it's good not to think abt anything at all - 'cause only time will tell. (:

yesterday wasnt exactly my day when [we] had our misunderstanding above all the other stuff that's been going on for weeks - stress, hurt, vexation and etc. but I'm proud to say that I've been brave and I've kept my head above waters uptil now. *gives myself a pat on the back*TEEHEE! met up with joan and von for dinner/coffee/tea at gardens. I concur that the manager liked my sweater. haha! yayness. anw I teared countless times at the mention of certain issues. sigh, I think I need HEALING. which explains why I'm looking fwd to tonight's SJS rally.

I had a heart-to-heart chat with aggie last night and indeed! God IS watching over us. during session yesterday, Carol invited us to define love in our own way and I wrote, "giving unconditionally". and when it was time to make peace last night, I knew that I was gonna forgive despite the anger and disappointment that I was experiencing. ha. also, when aggs reminded that we've been through greater and more perplexing misunderstandings before, I couldnt recall any! AHHH! am truly living up to forgiving and forgetting. with all my heart.

I can only be so happy -
To be blessed with angel wings on my back.

I'm still in awe with shawn's change! omg. I cant express how proud I am to witness. even more so, I believe that in His time, more will return to the Heart of Worship. (: praying Especially (note the capital 'E') for joan and von as well. hehe.

OH YES! I was late for math lect today... hur. I was suppose to be in LT3 by 9am but I overslept till 9.45am! ha. so much for being ambitious, wanting to wake up at 5 to do maclaurin's series. dreaming I. lol.

now, I'm gonna complete alil work before heading to church this evening. have a woofing good day, everyone! (:

2006-09-01T09:20:00.000-07:00

good morning and a Happy Teacher's Day Holiday to all. (:

and check this out!

I was browsing through some photos I've taken and realised that I'm always on a different colour-frequency as others! the pictures above speaks quite about alrdy, doesnt it? anw, here's another example of it but I can only put it in words until someone sends me a picture of it. we celebrated T'day yesterday and I wore a pink muscle tee whereas the rest came in paper-WHITE! oh hohoho wow. luckily SY decided to wear the girls' pe tee so it didnt make me seem too outstanding - I hope. hur!

went out with muriel's classmates for lunch after that and I dont know why I did. felt quite out of place, really. it wasnt that no one spoke to me but we're prolly very different people to begin with. nvrtheless, they're a pleasant bunch of people. (: ah and here's smth to laugh abt! we're seated beside a full-length glass window and a man walked passed staring intently at us (to put it politely) although it was more like grovelling. anyhow, one of the girls made a comment that he was looking in like we're fishes in a tank! hahaha I told dawn and she hypervantilated. lol. and I'm glad/relieved she came over to look me up. phew!

after which, we stood between the entrances to decide where to head next and we're approached by a photo-journalist to take a picture for that 4million smiles collage (or so we thought!) I tell you, I had an intuition that it was cmg but like anyone's gonna buy that. oh well! so, we reacted courteously like how we're taught in school (am so proud!) and agreed to it. but we nvr wouldve thought that she would be taking so many snaps of us! I bet there was more than 20 snaps until my cheek muscles felt sore and eyes turned flashy.

speaking of which, I just went to the livingroom to check the stack of newspaper and guess WHAT. guess guess guess. make a smart-ass shot at it. hurhurhur. WE'RE ON LIFE! COVER PAGE! and gosh, did she have to pick my worse shot at it. dang. I should be compensated for looking horrible in it. haha kiddin'. perhaps it doesnt even look like me 'cause mum brought the papers in this morning and she didnt recognise! hahahahaha. oh and we're NOT part of the 4million smiles but primary evidence for the opening of bishan community library! WHAT AN EFFIN' RIP OFF. lol. now that's a joke.

2006-08-28T18:51:00.000-07:00

"Not Pretty Enough" by Kasey Chambers
Chorus:
Am I not pretty enough?
Is my heart too broken?
Do I cry too much?
Am I too outspoken?
Don't I make you laugh?
Should I try it harder?
Why do you see right through me?

Verse 1:
I live, I breathe,
I let it rain on me
I sleep, I wake,
I try hard not to break
I crave, I love,
I've waited long enough
I try as hard as I can

(Chorus)

Verse 2:
I laugh, I feel,
I make believe its real
I fall, I freeze,
I pray down on my knees
I hope, I stand,
I take it like a man
I try as hard as I can

(Chorus)

Ending:
Why do you see,
Why do you see,
Why do you see right through me?
(x4)
---

2006-08-28T08:24:00.000-07:00

it wasnt a productive weekend cause my heart's been over-ruling my mind and body. spent most of sat in sch stoning and then I met up with the girls at gardens for a drink. (: it felt great to let it all out even though my emotions were carried over to the next day; nevertheless, I'm a tad bit better this morning.

knew I'd regret after telling the things I told aggie, haha I shouldve gone to bed earlier than staying up sprouting nonsense. fatigue beats alcohol, anytime!

2006-08-26T08:22:00.000-07:00

vulnerability and mixed feelings.

I cant explain myself but I'll try to. infact, it's what I've been trying for the past 10min - typing and backspacing (hypothetically and literally) but I simply cant get myself to elaborate on my state of mind. all I know is, my heart's not well.

I'm missing:
aggie
henry
george
ryan
MARVYN
IAN
brendan
abraham
DODO
eunice
ninjaJO
von
teri
joan
mag
daddy
gabriel zenimcomput
dada
sarah choo
jess
.
.
.
I cant go on.

I've realised that all the above mentioned are catholics and all I can recall is the smile on their pretty faces. nvr grim. (: I'm proud of you. and I know in time to come, I'll be fine as well.

good day.

2006-08-26T00:34:00.000-07:00

... and it's 'you and me' in a crimson pool of guts!
a fatalistic rumour that only I know and will keep - how true will you be for a friend?

2006-08-24T17:36:00.000-07:00

ironically, life hasnt been the same for as long as I've been in YJ because everyone has been so skeptical abt coming to a neighbourhood junior college. it's as though at any kind of function, when I say that I'm schooling in YJ, people's gaze at me would change as though they're telling me that they feel sorry for me that I didnt make it to CJ or like I am a good-for-nothing.

at the beginning, I felt like I was losing out on a whole lotta fun and *ahem* guys *ahem* at CJ but as time passed, I realized that I'm enjoying myself so much at where I am and I wouldnt trade it for anything! truly, it isnt all that bad to want to start afresh in some place where no one knows me and learn to be myself again.

2006-08-21T18:56:00.000-07:00

Dear God, take this life away.
I'm so tired of failing and trying again. is it any wonder if one begins to speculate if success is real or just a whimsy the society believes, in association with affluence. HM. I cant see the light to my future that mum deems so bright. dissimilarly, I'm enslaved by the Callous education dogma which fabricates itself to be the guiding force to greater heights. but has anyone thought abt this:

at what cost will it bring us to a lifetime of bliss if we embark on a paper chase? will our materialistic desires ever satisfy? if so, what abt now? dont we have sufficient needs to survive?
---

the GP paper was good today. I do not have the guts to think I'd score but I hope I'll pass alil less miserably this time. as for math, only time will prove my credibility in the subject. motivational deliberation: if George can do it, so can I! haha. no offence, I'm only trying show that I'm not any less capable. hahaha. last but not least, the econs class test slapped me hard again, I need to get started, seriously. and I'll need alil help from aiks.

that's all folks! I've caught Mr F. Tan's bug. lol. goodnight.

2006-08-20T17:13:00.000-07:00

SALT session was alil different today; and it has been like this for awhile. I'm missing the presence of some people who used to make my week all better with a grin on sunday. perhaps as we journey on in life, alot of other things become more essential and necessary than God and we pray daily to deceive ourselves that we are still dedicated to Him yet we keep telling ourselves, 'now, is not the time'. then when? will we ever be freed from our roles and responsibilities? I dont think so. not for me at least. I'm not extremely hardworking which explains my disgusting grades though it's not like I dont care... it's a matter of days before my nerves wreck when I come to think of it. some of us are no different from strangers and I miss being friends with you, knowing that someone's there who is not too busy to listen.

ah then again, who am I to tell you all what's the right thing to do? give me one day in your shoes and I'll probably react similarly. reckon that.

I wanna be a supportive friend -
to wish you the best in everything you do
and still stick around when the sky falls on you.
just so you know,
sometime in the near future I may need you too.

so far away from home everythings such a daze
no i don't want to go it hurts to drive away
in the rearview mirror i can see the breaklights hit your face
as your waving me goodbye

one good thing about the road
is that it opens up your eyes
it will make you miss your home
and everything that's right
in your heart will be as clear
as the north carolina days
spent realizing who you are

(: feelin' better alrdy.

2006-08-16T06:25:00.000-07:00

hello, and a good morning to you.
something in this morning tells me that I'm gonna do shitwell for promos 'cause I wanna be the smartest girl, you'll ever know.

who am I kiddin'?
well, nothin's impossible ay? mugging marathon starts tonight... if tutorials dont drain me out later. HA!

say that you're proud of me,
'cause I know not what I did it for.

2006-08-14T22:24:00.000-07:00

it's not a bad thing that Mr Syn wants me to retake the bloody econs test cos then I'll have a second chance of redeeming myself.

urgh.
ok, I'm gonna take aggie's words starting from tonight onwards. STUDY HARD FOR PROMOS!

God save me, pls!

2006-08-13T22:54:00.000-07:00

it was an exhausting sunday even though I got to stay in bed longer than usual. :/ feels like I need a hell lot more rest before I can start chionging for promos that is abt 6wks away. I wouldnt say it's a very short period left 'cause it's more like no time at all!?

anw, here's alil smth I have to say to everyone at the thanksgiving dinner tonight:

ryan
sexay! you played well la. (:
henry
wah. action! hahaha. jk. missin' you alrdy, babe!
aggie
you dont need luck for prelims, but I do wanna tell you to stop buzzing 'buttercup' in my ears! A-N-N-O-Y-I-N-G but fun lil thang, you! haha love!
eunice
y'know what? you didnt screw up AGAIN. hahaha. reckon the spell is broken la hor? heh.
gabe
you're a nimcompoop.
HAHA!
SALTies
thanks for screamin'. you scared me alil but not too much. lol.

I'M LOVING AND MISSIN' Y'ALL!

2006-08-10T01:18:00.000-07:00

smiling now. (:

joan, mag, alfred and I went to ecp for dinner, intending to watch the ndp fireworks but we either missed it or we're just at the wrong place. nevertheless, we settled down at the jetty playing bored-games. hahaha. there was his finger game, "peace like a river", "dumdumdeedee" then "what, huh, who?" lol. kept laughing at our poor attention spans and inability to speed up our movements. getting old, arent we? oh yeah! and we played 7up! we couldnt count for nuts. hahaha.

more interestingly, there was this other grp of people playing bored-games as well and one of their dares was to send the loser over to teach us the "dumdumdeedee" game and the other was to ask for the title of "peace like a river". hahaha. and the classic, was to have the guy standing in the middle shouting "tell laura"! (: very spontaneous people, indeed.

with that, it was a great national day spent despite missing the fireworks. for their warmth and ecstacy was explicitly shared amongst us. I've never felt more comfortable in the outdoors and with strangers than tonight. 'cause that experience was the true spirit of unity - regardless of race, language or religion.

Happy 41st Birthday, Singapore! with love.

2006-08-09T12:08:00.000-07:00

I reckon it's the time of the month.
been all fiesty and uptight since yesterday and it's probably triggered by that fateful unfortunate incidental lie last night. I honestly cant feel more sorry than I alrdy am.

anw,
thanks eunice, for listening and laughing. haha.

thanks von, for being rational when I'm nowhere near mental stability. lol.

thanks henry, for listening and reassuring. (: you're still the bestest shit though you're pre-occupied with your game. haha.

thanks to SWG (y'know who you are), for the priceless company at jk. hahaha, we should do it again sometime!

I'm still praying... for you and I.
oh and here's a very Happy National Day to you and you and you ALL!
missing mag much... sigh!

2006-08-06T03:23:00.000-07:00

I attended the youth leaders retreat early this morning and it felt great to spend lone time with God again. (:

then had a conversation with some of my ex-classmates that made me realise that I havent got anything to remind me of better days in sjc. :/ sad uh? nevertheless, I wish you well.

it doesnt matter what I've said or done,
the rest is up to you.
God bless!

2006-08-05T00:46:00.000-07:00

hello. (:
the Philharmonic Chamber Choir was good, but Caracal and West Grand Boulevard were much better. hahaha. at some point, I wished I had not turn up for the former. apologies! but that's not my idea of what music should be - humming and squealing to pitch. :/ how abt smth... less sensuous..?

anw, I was in ze century's most extravagant outfit tonight - my 90's black cocktail dress. I shouldve known cos I've been there before, but I had to insist myself to put that on! hur, I must be obsessed with dolling up; talk abt dressing for the occasion. sigh, I'm sucha disappointment to myself! cringes in disgust. anw, it was worse to mingle at the outdoor theatre afterwards which thou shalt not further discuss over here. hahaha.

well, besti and I bumped into God-forbid. yeah, and I finally realised that we're better off the way we are - apart.

thanks for pretending to forgive but all I needed was to know that I'm happier without you. (:

gdnight henry.
gdnight, everyone. hugs.

2006-08-03T03:39:00.000-07:00

"or rather, nothing in the substance of things.
But the essence of things had changed." - Tess of the D'Ubervilles, Thomas Hardy

(: sleep can do miracles. haha!
von dearest was right abt how I should feel at this moment. any deeper I sink, I'd hit rock bottom in no time. haha! and my first love will always be muh besti. (: for at least I know he isnt fickle abt loving me. ahem right? lol.

anw here's what keeps poppin' in my head:
"mummy! it's over!" - Just for Laughs.

lol. (: it's time for EoM.

2006-08-02T20:03:00.000-07:00

I miss you. ):

2006-08-01T18:41:00.000-07:00

something magical happened today,
someone special crossed my way.
(:

is this bliss?
I cant tell you how I feel abt you cause everytime you speak, I sink deeper.

am I looking in the eyes of Love?

aiight, now I'm off to study econs! eeurgh. mind-upset!

2006-07-31T18:41:00.000-07:00

what difference a day makes.
I hope you feel the same way you did,
yesterday.
make me believe that there's more to that, tis' -
how we feel.
you're more than theory;
with a soul.
and I'm more than a pretty face you should know.
I wish you do:
feel the same way too.
---

uh, today. :/

2006-07-30T23:51:00.000-07:00

HAPPY FEAST DAY! (:
the first set we did was macam crap but the second time around was hellotta better. haha.

and special thanks to those who came down to hear me sing. much appreciated!

2006-07-24T22:51:00.000-07:00

where Spain awaits... I miss you, besti!
I need your shoulder to cry on. HURRY! tears.

2006-07-17T20:36:00.000-07:00

I HAVE BEEN TAGGED (by the insufferable Elle.)
1. Do the following WITHOUT complaints.
2. Pick 5 people to do this after completion.
3. Leave a tag on each person's tagboard and say, "You've been Tagged!"
4. Start your post with "I have been Tagged!" then proceed.

Current Mood: Lost. Psychosomatic.
Current Taste: Kacang Puteh.
Current Clothes: LTC '03 camptee.
Current Desktop: hp pacilion f1503.
Current Toenail Colour: Glitter Turquois (LOL!).
Curent Time: 20:10
Current Surroundings: Paper and Phones.
Current Annoyances: A stiff neck.
Current Thoughts: I need a get-away.

Firsts
First Best Friend: Hazel Tan (although she doesnt rmb that! haha.)
In Kindergarten: Hazel Tan
In primary School: Too many to speak of. Heh.
First Crush: Sean. My grandmama's neighbour's grandson.
First Music: Andy FREAK! Lau.

Lasts
Last Cigarette: NEVER.
Last Drink: Fluid from the Swiss Mountains.
Last Crush: *smiles uncontrollably at thyself*
Last Movie: Just My Luck.
Last Phone Call: Eunice.
last CD played: Can't remember.
last song played: "Behind Those Eyes" by 3DD.
have you ever dated one of your best friend: NONONONONO!
have you ever broken the law: Duh.
have you ever been arrested: Nay.
have you ever been on TV: Yeap.
have you ever kissed someone you dont know: No.

5 things you are wearing: Nail Polish, Undergarment, A BIG tee.
4 things you did today: Went to school, used my brains, prayed before meals and I Persevered.
3 things you can hear right now: TV, fan and myself - typing.
1 thing you do when you're bored: Sleep.

I'm tagging:
Von! my Love. (:
Joanie!*
Kelynn
Eunice PNG!
Christopher, thy Nephew.
---

NOTE: I've corrected alil bit of the English used 'cause the gramatical mistakes were 'Gross' (like how mrs Freeman would put it). (:

I only did it because I dont wanna be a shpoil shport. hurhur. AND, 'cause elvis said I have a nice smile. hohoho.

2006-07-17T20:00:00.000-07:00

I'm sick of hearing myself whine abt life's impediments and it brings me to question if this is a sign of surrender, but to who? it doesnt feel like God is walking with me these days 'cause for one, I havent been praying much nor depending on Him. all of this is because I dont feel worthy to be Loved/Blessed by Him. what a thought. HM.

my results are crap. I have no idea how to break the bad news to my mum and on top of that, ms Merciless lim wants us to get our PR signed by tmr. :/ in the words of Dawn (the Princess, ay), "at least you're showing it to her a day before obs." O-so-wise, hor? haha. well, yeah I guess.

I was telling my friends today that I've been fighting with mum lately and she doesnt seem to care for me, like a mother should. frankly, she's only fulfilling a guardian's duty of late. you could say that I'm not the most filial daughter you've met, but that doesnt mean that I dont care.

O well.
anw, here's a song that I can relate to (and I hope it'll aid you in empathizing with me). ciao.

"Who Am I" by Casting Crowns
Verse 1:
Who am I, that the Lord of all the earth
Would care to know my name
Would care to feel my hurt
Who am I, that the Bright and Morning Star
Would choose to light the way
For my ever wandering heart

Pre-Chorus:
Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You are

Chorus:
I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
Vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I'm calling
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours, I am Yours

Verse 2:
Who am I, that the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love and watch me rise again
Who am I, that the voice that calmed the sea
Would call out through the rain
And calm the storm in me

(Pre-Chorus)
(Chorus)
(x2)

I am Yours
Whom shall I fear
Whom shall I fear
'Cause I am Yours I am Yours

---

love, Generator.

2006-07-15T07:58:00.000-07:00

good morning to you and thanks for checkin' out on me. I can't tell you the deprimente impact of today just yet so read up again (perhaps) tonight.

and here's alil gag (though not so much of mine): I tripped on the stairs 1 and a 1/2 times yesterday. I could've been KILLED but I guess my guardian angel held me back by cg forces. HM.

2006-07-14T21:13:00.000-07:00

here I am - in the crux of a great deal of agenda to undertake, time is not on my side and there's always a million and one duties lined up ahead! I'm gonna crash out even before I get started.

ISOCORRO! ISOCORRO!

2006-07-10T11:55:00.000-07:00

over the weekend, I 'scaped the norm - for once, I didnt meet up with anyone that I am close to. unevitably, it was an uneasy change but I had my due share of fun and in an unexpected way, I've come to learn abt my 'vocation', for now.

on saturday, I heard nasty stuff that some confirmants said behind my back, and even though they were fairly irrelevant, I couldnt help but feel crestfallen and irated. on top of that, ES doesnt like marv and I. hohoho, not like I give a damn abt what he thinks but dont we at least need to be on each other's side since we're facilitating together? hm, well I guess not.

another thing is, I've unofficially moved over to via cristus because I was convinced that I should sing for God with joy. however, that way, I wont be able to meet my friends. ): yeah, surely we're not suppose to go to church for our friends' sake but I miss them very much even though our relationship seems pretty dysfunctional! so, I thought to myself, I'm going to leave the choir for good. sigh, it's gonna be very difficult to break the news to them 'cause it was my first ministry and I've been there for the past 3 yrs, but I dont wanna carry on the hassle anymore. my commitment in SALT has heightened a million storeys since concamp'06 and I dont think I can juggle these things altogether.

school's been extremely harsh since the semester began... exams were crappily done and I need to put in even more effort to make sure I pass my promos! so there, I need a break. it doesnt help to hear/feel that I havent done a good job anywhere and I'm truly sorry, I'm not your superhero. I'm not who you aspired me to be.
---

It might sound absurd
But don't be naive
Even heroes have the right to bleed
I may be disturbed
But won't you concede
Even heroes have the right to dream
It's not easy to be me

2006-07-08T10:39:00.000-07:00

yet another week has passed and although I havent been as efficient as I wanted to be, lest I've tried. (: life's not that difficult to live by when we learn to accept whatever like a pinch of salt. thanks to Jesus for answering my prayers.

like everyone else I know, I've been sucked into the heaving hype over the worldcup semi-finals last week. sigh, wish Spain is still in the game but well, Italia will do now. I'll pray for Spain in Euro'08, starting today. hahaha! on the contrary, I'm pretty excited to meet Zidane at the finals anyhow. hahaha, gen O! gen. dont ask me how I managed to get up for the matches 'cause truly, I'm amazed at myself and on top of that, I paid much attention to what went on in class the next day! heh, you have a superwoman (flying) in your midst, guys. any suggestions for a theme song? hahaha. strictly Alternative, thanks.

I was finally freed up yesterday for ali'l mail reading time and I found Solitude and Strength from reading an email Von forwarded to us. (: thanks sweet.

the key thing is, women exude powerful spirits that can lift the weight of the world on their shoulders, all in the name of Love and Passion. even when all things fail, we would always find the will to start over again without complain 'cause we know what it takes to construct a life that's worth living and find joy in a pool of simplicity. perhaps, my grandmama would know best and those who knew her, would've seen... the magic of ordinary days.

note to jie:
initially when mama died, I prayed that I'll never forget her but God gave me more than that, He gave me the Faith that she had and the Strength of a real woman. (:

love, ling.

2006-07-03T12:46:00.000-07:00

"Boston" by Augustana

In the light of the sun, Is there anyone? Oh it has begun. Oh dear you look so lost, Eyes are red and tears are shed, This world you must've crossed you said, You don't know me, And you don't even care.
She said, "You don't know me, And you don't wear my chains."
Essential yet appealed. Carry all your thoughts, Across An open field. When flowers gaze at you, They're not the only ones, Who cry when they see you.
You said, "You don't know me, you don't even care" She said, "You don't know me, you don't wear my chains"
She said, "I think I'll go to Boston, I think I'll start a new life, I think I'll start it over, Where no one knows my name. I'll get out of California, I'm tired of the weather, I think I'll get a lover and fly them out to Spain. I think I'll go to Boston, I think that I'm just tired I think I need a new town, To leave this all behind I think I need a sunrise, I'm tired of the sunset, I hear it's nice in the Summer, Some snow would be nice Boston, Where no one knows my name." ---

this goes out to my girlfriends. (: I hope you know who you are 'cause von introduced this song!

love, Gen.

2006-06-27T23:13:00.000-07:00

third post of the day, BEST of the lot. (:

JESUS LOVED ME anyway.

...do not bring us to the test but deliver us from evil. Amen.
I am proud to be a Roman Catholic.

2006-06-27T18:50:00.000-07:00

Counting every day that goes by
And the tears that I cry
You don't wanna love me no more
Wish that you could hold me tonight
I'm hurting inside
Cause you don't wanna love me
Cause you don't wanna love me
Love me no more
---

I'm sick and tired of trying to keep us together when no one gives a fuck.
cant cry. cant sleep.
cant make you feel what you dont.

hurt.

2006-06-27T13:31:00.000-07:00

so I thought to myself:

I'm not pretty.
I'm not tall.
I'm not smart.
I'm not talented.
I'm not skilled.

so why cant I be a'lil more hardworking? :/

God. I have not the slightest idea of what I wanna do for a living. something's telling me that I should commit to charity and stuff along that line but then I wouldnt be earning much. how then? I'm not looking fwd to being part of the endless corporate race.

O Jesus,
thank You for always letting me take comfort in You whenever I feel dejected and useless. I love You. please take me with You to heaven where I can dwell in everlasting peace and joy.
I love You.
Amen.
---

He ran to me
He took me in His arms
Held my head to His chest
Said, "My son's come home again!"
Lifted my face
Wiped the tears from my eyes
With forgiveness in His voice
I felt His love for me again
---

2006-06-21T22:57:00.000-07:00

I'm hopelessly wishing -
is it a bad thing?
my thoughts could run wild,
at your sweet smile.
grunts I, can hardly help it.
if Tuesdays were pale,
you've painted them real
'tis affection gives life to heart.
sadly weeks turned to grey,
you were not here to stay -
until the last,
and Alas! you spoke.

(:
time to read again.

2006-06-19T08:32:00.000-07:00

the past week has indeed been very dark but if it werent for what it was, I wouldnt be feeling the way I do now. (:

I woke up with a mildly sore throat then I remembered why! hahaha. sucker! I cant wait to tell jiejie abt this but damn, where do I begin with her? :/ hahaha. maybe telepathy could come in handy now. perhaps perhaps perhaps!

I rate yesterday's happy level: 10!
lol.

oh yes, I bumped into a primary school mate with lotsa sjc + confirmants at ps yesterday and I forgot her name. hur. it's either I'm getting too old to remember them OR I'm simply popular. lol. someone pls shut me up! well at least I recognised her right? ... teehee! another thing is, I'VE GOT SPAIN's WRISTBAND! woopeedoodles! (:

ps: ok, sore throat sucks. urrgh!

2006-06-16T11:05:00.000-07:00

Lost
Dawn will break -
The beginning of an end
And you’ll cry to the engulfing forest
Don’t worry about dying
It is drawing near
No star will guide you home tonight

How did you find -
The centre of Erida
Which captured hearts that loved?
You must know -
A friend of the enemy must betray
Then afraid not
Prayer is by your side

A love that betrays
Is a love that slays
With sweet pledges (O so sweet)
Underlies a picturesque deceit
Here’s a secret you’ll bring to Hecate:
“The pleasure is mine to take.”
---

this is for:
my eyes.
my ears.
my hands and feet.
my body.
my mind.
and my soul.

this is for: myself. (:

2006-06-13T23:58:00.000-07:00

dear Jesus,
I hate to admit that I'm selfish, but I am. help me to love unconditionally just like You've taught us, guide and guard me in whatever I do. Amen.

I hurt, and you dont have to know.

there are a million reasons why I should go on a HIATUS apart from private reasons. I've gotta mug reeally hard for the up and cmg block test anw.
---

reflections
I cant help getting emotional and irrational at this and I cant think of any better explaination than:
sometimes the 'love' we define, aint the right kind for us.
true love musnt be selfish (as scripted in Corinthians, haha) hence why I should not. I've got no one to blame for this, but I must learn to love again.
I hurt.
I hurt.
I hurt.
I hurt, so much.
I hurt, very much.
I am dead.

2006-06-13T01:12:00.000-07:00

concamp '06 rocked.
for punchlines, click on 'aggie'.

(:
not this time. cause I still love ya'll very much.
and everytime I try to leave this mess, your love carries me.

2006-06-07T08:06:00.000-07:00

a very good morning to you.
it's actually my kind of a regular bad day. thanks.

amidst the oh-so-Humid weather and rush, I CANT FIND MY ECONS NOTES. (nope, it's not where you think it is.) AAaaarrghh..! without it, I am not able to complete my 8hrs-overdue case study. oh wow. maybe it wouldnt make a difference afterall, Mr Callous has prolly given me a fat and obnoxious ZERO in my report. hur, then why worry?

let my conscience speak:
get your effin' priorities right, moron!
buck up, UP. UP! and away!

thank God this is will all end by ten. I hope.
GRUNTS.

2006-06-03T01:34:00.000-07:00

as I was walking home moments ago, a scuttering cockroach intercepted my path causing me to hop on an alternate leg, almost losing balance. it is not an uncommon notion, mind you. my mum would always mock me abt how insects can scare the wits out of me when I possess such a fierce charactor. ha irony, isnt it?

well, the incident got me thinking tonight: what if Singapore is personified as the cockroach and I am a larger nation. the world seems more ferocious than the little dot on the map who only practices diplomacy to whom it may recognise. will we scare the living hell of our adversary? we often speak of 'standing up for Singapore' but how well is that propaganda serving us? are the men stepping up out of their own will or taking drastic measures to avoid making the service? these are the issues that pertain to our generation and the future, then I wouldnt think a mere paper advertisment on the bus would do the trick. ok, perhaps a good caption could stir up patriotic spirits in people but when the words in bold and capslock misses the point, it is but a waste of effort and revenue put into it.

nevertheless, other measures taken worked, but can we rely on these things to deter?

(: this is gen. out.

2006-05-29T16:28:00.000-07:00

reader's discretion: this is an excerpt of an enraged mind. enjoy. (:

let me help you define a bad day...

you wont grasp the A.P. concept for nuts and afterwards, a crazy wild bird will yell at ya for explaining why you need more time to arrive and then you may curse the living hell of her. intentionally oblivious to your temper, she spits sarcasm in your face like she has no guard teeth. following that, is the end of day and your friend demands you to celebrate her birthday and puts up a wayang when you tell her that you'd be busy with important deadlines to meet... and so on.
---

now my every nerve is taut;
and I've forgotten to eat.
people would die to walk in my shoes, someday.

gonna meet the rest tonight and I'm hoping that it'll change this luck.
God is on leave, again.

2006-05-26T15:47:00.000-07:00

the beauty of today...
1) it's FRIDAY (:
2) artsfusion is finally over

you wont believe how much I've missed out at the pnw practices when I was preparing for the artsfusion, damn. it makes me wonder if this is my true vocation cos I hardly have enough time, although I am more than happy to serve.

maybe I just dont belong.

2006-05-22T23:05:00.000-07:00

I must tell you that it has been a hectic week, yet interesting, and there's more to come.

saturday's choir rehearsal has been the most exhausting one in eons and I'm beginning to lose the thrill of performing, sometimes. we had one and a half tech runs which basically requires us to walk in and out of backstage in circles - which reminds me of the scene of gregorians in Monty Python. haha! idiotic, really.

after eight and a half hours of singing, pitching, walking, rushing and waiting, I gladly managed to surprise ann at the bbq mark and pat organized. (: I had a pretty gd time catching up with mark - though I've nvr spoken to him much. it makes me miss working with these people in the choir. heartache!

then on sunday, I was down for another rehearsal; this time with the band and I was truly inspired to carry on. 'twas a pleasant surprise when we finally started our session with a prayer and what made it even more special was having henry to lead us cos I've nvr heard him saying one before! hahaha. PTL! :D everyone's putting alot of effort into this and for the past week, I've been walking in the footsteps of Martha (if I rmb correctly) - what's the use in worrying for the best when the best is to be at the feet of Jesus? (: I'm learning to listen and now I understand.

thank You, Lord and everyone who's making this happen. it's good to be in tune, finally.

monday just passed us by and I am alrdy anticipating for the next weekend to arrive when I can be done with the artsfusion and wholly concentrate on the prep for concamp. right now, my commitment is sprawled over a millionkatrillion things that I cant even make a list of them, but go with the flow to wherever it leads me. :/ blurgh.

anyhow, I had better get more sleep tonight to garner enough strength for another long day tmr. gdnight, reader.

butterflykisses.

2006-05-18T20:36:00.000-07:00

sings:
I want CANDY.
I want CANDY.
I want CANDY.
I want CANDY!

(: whee whee whee all the way home.

2006-05-17T08:38:00.000-07:00

I miss Dawn.
I miss Aik Hong.
I miss Joshua.
I miss Marilyn.
I miss Sarah.
I miss Sann.
I (kinda) miss de choir.
I miss ____.
.
.
.
.
.
I miss SCHOOL.

aye, it's sad but true - I do. despite the fatigue and oh-very-swollen eyes, I'm still contemplating on whether to be late than aborting the idea. I'll let the abstract below explain itself:

Dawn the Princess:
gen gen pls tell me you're late! haha.
*Aiks calls*
Joshua the Grape:
hi gen the purple!
Dawn the Princess:
hi gen the purple!
Dawn the Princess:
oh dear what happened? if you cant open your eyes to msg me, it's oGay.
Joshua the Grape:
why cry ah? got dumped? or tears of joy cos the falling jet engine crushed the choir?

guffaws!
dont you wanna pinch their cheeks? I DO! NOW! hahaha.

sigh.
maybe I'll go after lunch. patriotism.

2006-05-12T21:33:00.000-07:00

I was jolted awake by a creep of sunlight into my eyes. GONER! IT'S 7.16 - rush hour! hahah. I kept STAB! waiting for 20min. (: sweet. I must say, it is the best start for our first casual meet up. not. besides, I was the only one in beach wear (then again, I was wearing it in bed)! I just wasnt not up for leaving an impeccable impression. and now that it's done; I am but a commoner.

after the hasty morning, I whiled away time like running liquid on open palms - could hardly grasp any for what's worth. tskk! ah well, it's been a boring happy day. (: it makes me think polylife would have been a better option for me rather than embarking on a mindless certificate-strife.

I need a new purpose and direction besides scoring well. just dont mention abt the new guy-friends I've made 'cause what was supposed to be a new lease of life turned out like lymph-cabbage-banana juice. ha yeap, you get my drift.

would someone buy me a slice of gourmet banana cake? (:

DA keeeeeeed.

2006-05-06T17:00:00.000-07:00

hi you.
I think Coy's cute and smells like god.

hahahahaha...
and perhaps I'd love a blue rose?
ahh. more importantly, I hope we'll meet more often.

2006-05-04T22:45:00.000-07:00

whenever I'm absconding from school joys, this space becomes my solitude. for with an ever increasing load of reponsibilities, I cant simply leave for a vacation - but blessings! this technology-inclined era creates new possibilities. (:

been trying to tap views for a gp essay on 'mercy killing' but all I can think of is the ethical aspect of it. who else should be concerned? honestly, I couldnt care less at this moment 'cause my brain's charred till it's turning into cinders.

I cant be bothered with the trivial now;
and YOU are trivial.

(:
thankyouverymuch.
i.kissthereader.

2006-05-01T20:32:00.000-07:00

AAAAARRRRRGGGGHHHHH..!!!

an inviting autumn genesis.
this is the death of me;

wah lao. wah lao. wah lao. wah lao. WAAAH LAAAO.
am freakin' pissed. at myself; thankyouverymuch.HUR.

decided to stay home today as I was drowning in fatigue from 2 consecutive late nights - yes, gen had done it again. I wholly regret my decision. grunts. twas suppose to complete an amount of work but I ended up taking inconsistent short naps that worsened the lethargy. O tis', smart gal. do it again and I'll crown you a fool! bloody hell! the weather was so friggin' hot and my fan rattled like a starving ___. hoho. jinxed.

I reckon I'll enjoy this week - only 3days of school! woohoo! prances like a loony...
but I havent done any school joys given for this long weekend. I need a miracle.

2006-04-27T22:03:00.000-07:00

I'll let you know when I can string my thoughts together.

I've ruined it again and I'll have to recover myself to a new beginning - an umpteenth effort - and I'm too worn out for another chance.

dare me to lose This infinite trial of a lifetime...
how else will I be redeemed?

2006-04-25T23:35:00.000-07:00

good weehour everyone! (: let me introduce you to...

Genevieve --
[noun]:

An immortal

'How" will you be defined in the dictionary?'
at
QuizGalaxy.com

window with a view; where parallel lines meet.
---

here's a quick review of my weekend:

evawn: *picks up 'horny' pillow and gasps* so cuute!
gen: *guffaws histerically*
evawn: *whacks 'horny' pillow on my forehead - WHOPPOP!*
both: MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHA...
gen: *picks up 'headache' pillow for revenge - WHOPPOP!*
both: MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHA...

omgOSH! I swear we're so retarded. lol. anw, evawn was like laughing to herself after that. hur, talk abt madness! blah. hahaha. evawn, I enjoyed myself alot that night! love you plenty darl!

and I did go on quite a serious spree for 2 tops, a pair of earrings and a hairband. (: aye, I'm content!

next up, I'll need to get a pair of shades and MORE beach wear 'cause I'll be going to sentosa with ching and her friends on LABOUR DAY! hahaha... it's been a long while since my last visit and my tanlines have faded quite abit. whee! I'm anticipating it alrdy! pls check the navigation bar on the left... heh! yes! I'm counting down!

aiight. I have much to complete by 7am! :x hugs the reader. night.

2006-04-20T22:05:00.000-07:00

'tis real. I couldnt resist trailing my thoughts before starting on math joy (URGH drats!) nvm.

Impenetrable Wall.
like bypassing objects:
an aeroplane perhaps,
it hovered like a masculine eagle -
soared my heart along.
olive pines a conversation,
and above all, a soul,
yet not a stroke of fortune.

through these lenses, they speak of desire.
but nothing prevails beyond stare.

wishing a cloud,
seat; and gear.
a confederacy never amends -
till she finds one more blue sky;
another plane to fly.
---

(: I'm ok.

I cant wait for tmr to be over when I can finally be liberal for awhile before starting on another riot week. what will be in store this weekend? I'm excited, teehee!

2006-04-16T17:52:00.000-07:00

HAPPY EASTER TO YOU! and you. and you. and you... hahaha...

here's a recount on how my Easter Triduum was spent:

on Maundy Thursday, it was the music ministry's first ever pnw session and gosh, did I have to end late for it was my own fault that I didnt do my econs hw which was due! ha what's new, gen? and because of that, our last min pract was postponed to an hour later. then there was mass, and after mass, we went back up to salt room to continue with our rehearsals but the crowd's noise made me feel even more uptight 'cause I couldnt hear what eunice was playing at all. blah! nevetheless, the spiritual prep session got me back on track before the real thang and I was feeling lifted during it (actually). haha! KUDOS TO GF! (: and PTL! I'm proud to say that we pulled it off for the first time. I could gather that most people were surprised that gabe could sing - and I wonder why. :/ the session ended with the lentern vigil in the main church when the Cross was wrapped up in purple robe. sigh. it felt different to be seated in the congregation without the Cross to face and an empty tabernacle; everything ahead was mere darkness - I'd lost my purpose when it seemed like Jesus wasnt there...

woke up really early on friday morning, rushed back home to get changed and headed back to church for the Good Friday's service at 10am. I've nvr noticed the crowd that His Passion would draw, really. there were non-believers who came! and the church was overflowing! AMEN! (: anw, while we're reflecting upon the stations, my gosh, it seemed like every line was spoken directly at me! it almost made me tear buckets. oh and the fasting part was simply unbearable! I'm aware that I shouldnt be complaining but, damn! hungry gen is an angry gen! hahaha.

I had math tuition at 8am to 11am on saturday morning - I could hardly pay close attention 'cause I've been thinking of dropping out. eeks. but it's true! after that, I badly needed to do smth drastic to myself so I went to a random salon near my block to thin the back and cut my fringe. ha!!! I think I look AWESOMEly STRANGE. muaha. I like it; and it's all that matters. blah! later on, I met up with gf and maureen to catch "Take the Lead" - AH HA! I give it "fingers and toes UP!" LOL. I hurried down to mj after the movie to grab the soundtrack before making our way to church for the easter vigil. lalala. it was so fun receiving all sorts of comments from everyone whom I know abt my easterhairdo! whee! some of the facial expressions were classic I swear! ((:

finally, came Easter sunday! cantored for the 9am mass and it felt like it was my best piece thus far - no hiccups, didnt feel breathless and I was audible! ha. betcha it was the prayer that helped. PTL! heehee. came back early after brunch to complete the piles of hw that's due tmr... grunts. I'm taking an extra long break to type this and at the same time catching up with henry(he complimented on my new hair! yayness! haha) and dodo.

have a nice week ahead, reader.

2006-04-11T20:48:00.000-07:00

I'm to yearn for what I gave up...

beneath the heavens, on a child's bridge.
we're the gods of our solitude.
warriors of our souls,
victims of reproach.
caged in impending anxiety.
no liquor, nor spleen,
no eyes could've seen, these thousand longings to be fulfilled.

prince of young, draw my way,
perceive me pining thy ardor.
I will take,
aye, this time.
my devotion along with me.

I miss him* so much but I can tell no one...
---

ON TO A LIGHTER NOTE...

we had our first ever class outing at seoul garden today, woohoo! (: I surely ate my fill 'causeI'm still feeling choked! eeks. anw, after 'lunner' (aka lunch/dinner) dawn accompanied me to topshop to check out that wallet that I wanted soo badly but guess what? the last piece I found was spoilt and they're selling it at $49+! alamak so I thought, "forget it." and we headed off to taka again cos I wanted to take a look at the purses at Xcessories but ended up at the deparmental store and found better bargains! AWESOME, I tell you! muahaha...

anw, the holy tridium is approaching real quick and I still have a billion and one things to prepare! gasps. better get crackin', gen!

I wish you... did. do you?

2006-04-06T18:59:00.000-07:00

I can still vividly recall just a few days ago when someone asked me if it's so difficult to let loved ones love me as they should, and my answer to that was absolutely positive. how many times have I let them in and they ditched me on a lerch with no one to fend from my darkest doom? have you? but nobody's to take the blame cos no one is perfect, but Him. even when everyone one else fails, He wont. I feel truly blessed with classmates who got me through these 3 weeks and in a way, perhaps we're all a helping hand for one another to get by. there's no guarantee that this journey will be smoothe sailing but as Fr Richard says, "the choice is your's". and I choose to love. (:

2006-04-01T10:42:00.000-08:00

school's been a hustle-bustle and I've been trying so hard to fit church involvements in my schedules, but it seems like I'm battling against the odds because smth's telling me that I'll have to give up half my commitments. and although I'm pretty rooted in school alrdy, now I've gotta learn to give up the things that I love doing to settle for 'school JOYS' and others. is this another phase?

I cant help but begin to feel that life was so much easier to live by when it seemed almost incomprehensible during the secondary school days. did I make the right decision? or does it matter?

lots to be done today but I'll go back for another 2 hours of sleep before crackin'.

2006-03-29T20:37:00.000-08:00

we're now smack in the middle of a school week and my timetable is filling up like a running tap!

what NEEDS to be fitted in now are:
1) school joy (aka hw! oh how joyful aye?) - everyday
2) cca (fuck this shit. I hate articulating the sound I produce.) - wed, thur, fri, SAT!
3) church! (I'll do anything for this but school is just screwin plans up.) - flex
4) sleep (hi. I'm panda.) - every night, idiot!
5) I NEED A L-I-F-E! - once in awhile...

yeah doesnt all that sound drainous? talk abt living it... urgh. on the other hand, it's comforting to know that He's always The Answer to all my doubts. (:

... but why does He always have to make it so DIFFIFCULT?

2006-03-25T13:51:00.000-08:00

insecurity speaks.

I've been reading emails posted on the SDYR yahoo grps and it truly serves as God's soft affirmation - that no matter how resistant I am, I will still eventually fit in His great plan. (:

"I'll see beyond my calvary one day..."

2006-03-18T09:38:00.000-08:00

hey! here's smth for your feed.

I think I still...
well, y'know! haha!

and you should be glad it isnt that scrawny ass.
I'm Evil.

2006-03-17T12:40:00.000-08:00

I never meant to hesitate.

all that had taken place this morning served as a reminder (AND answer) to myself:

school bag - $35
stationaries - $30
lectures notes - $6
lit books - $45
bestis - PRICELESS.

ahh and here's a cheesy song that's ringing in my head for them. (:

"Anywhere For You" by BSB
I'd go anywhere for you
Anywhere you ask me to
I'd do anything for you
Anything you want me to

I'd walk halfway around the world
For just one kiss from you
Far beyond the call of love
The sun, the stars, the moon
As long as your love's there to lead me
I won't lose my way, believe me
Even through the darkest night you know

Chorus:
I'd go anywhere for you
Anywhere you ask me to
I'd do anything for you
Anything you want me to
our love as far as I can see
Is all I'm ever gonna need
There's one thing for sure
I know is true
Baby, I'd go anywhere for you

I used to think that dreams were just
For sentimental fools
And I'd never find someone
Who'd give their love so true
But I knew the very minute
Couldn't live my life without you in it
And now I want the whole wide world
To know

Chorus

Hey baby, hey baby, hey baby, oohhh (3x)

Chorus (2x)
---

I love you, bestis. huggabugs.

2006-03-09T20:48:00.000-08:00

WWJD is the most frequent query right now.

He knew that I had plans skipping school tmr for the rally's rehearsals and yet, He had to strike me ill for 2 days. so how do I excuse myself on the third consecutive day? it's not difficult to lie that I've not recovered but is that what He wants me to do? in any case, I dont wanna miss out on too many lectures and I have to hand in my cca form tmr! urgh. H-E-L-P!

*phone call*

oh great. rocky just told me that if I dont turn up tmr, they'll consider it as truancy. WHAT CRAP?

this wouldnt be a problem if I were in CJC. grunts.

2006-03-02T20:04:00.000-08:00

God knows what's best for me...

posting results are gonna be released in 11 hours and 54min! and here I am panicking because I have been so confident that I will get through the appeal instead of preparing for the worst. it isnt that I dislike YJC but more like, I fear going to school alone, sitting amidst a sea of new faces and unforgettably - the horror of cheenapiang classmates! *ponders* then *shudders* NOOO!!!GOD! why wasnt I born in the States or smth?

I swear I'll fast again if God will get me a place in CJC by Monday... arrgh!

2006-03-01T11:49:00.000-08:00

he's absolutely endearing. (:

2006-02-27T22:37:00.000-08:00

"Good Day" by Click Five
I woke up early in my hotel room
Wait for my alarm to go
I think about the things I've gotta do
Damn, my mind is gonna blow

I'm thinking out about what's ahead
Maybe I'll just stay in bed
Cause it's no fun to be the one going out of my head
So I tell it to myself again

You're looking for something you can't find
If you give it up you'll lose your mind
There's always something in your way
What can you say?
You're gonna have a good day

I quit my job about a week ago
Told them that I need some time
Now I'm going strong on Lexapro
Doctor says I'm doing fine

I'm thinking out about what's ahead
Maybe I'll just stay in bed
Cause it's no fun to be the one going out of my head
So I tell it to myself again...

You're looking for something you can't find
If you give it up you'll lose your mind
There's always something in your way
What can you say?
You're gonna have a good day

Just when I thought, I couldn't lose
I realized it's the only thing I knew

I'm freaking out about what's ahead
Maybe I'll just stay in bed
Cause it's no fun to be the one going out of my head
So I tell it to myself
Tell it to myself
Tell it to myself again

You're looking for something you can't find
If you give it up you'll lose your mind
There's always something in my way...
[Repeat 2x]

You're looking for something you can't find
If you give it up you'll lose your mind
There's always something in your way
What can you say?

You're gonna have a good day
You're gonna have a good day
You're gonna have a good day
---

I wonder if peter&paul had bad days too.
... nevertheless, they'll still have each other.

love,
your worst friend. ever.

2006-01-22T22:36:00.000-08:00

thankYOUjiejie... for the:

1) rusty pencilcase! (the Goddess's gift woooh!)
2) Kutless: Sea Of Faces
3) Switchfoot: Nothing Is Sound
4) 2 packets of pumpkim cream mix (WILL DEFINITELY TRY IT FOR BREAKFIRST!) ((:
5) "rock rebel", "eager" and "bootylicious" (LOL the hot stuff!)
6) ginger crystals (I think they're for moms; thanks anyway! HAHA!)

above are my Christmas presentSS from jie. I miss you, GOOS! ... even more than ever.

btw, I bought myself a pair of SIZZLING green heels! I doubt I'll wear them; but who cares? I LOVE THEM - it's all that matters. hahaha.

henry made everything better. nothing's resolved, but at least I know I'm loved (by a giant, mind you HAHA!) and that's enough to make me happy. for now. cant always think ahead and neglect this moment. afterall, it is what makes tmr's yesterday a better day, right? (: of cos.

2006-01-21T09:40:00.000-08:00

I NEED my weekly dose of marticusbiotics,
and I'm craaazy abt salsa! (:

2006-01-20T10:15:00.000-08:00

it's been yet another long period since the last update while so much had taken place.

spent the past 3 days with dodo in fact. ((: on tuesday, we watched "in her shoes" at ps that wasnt too bad at all! I went on a binch or smth, y'know? haha. had like a red ruby with sago, sausage, teriyaki chicken and beef noodles (which by then, I was quite stuffed alrdy heh). talkin abt cravings? haha! on wednesday we went to sentosa for sun bathing and picnic! ((: dodo got us CRAZE HOTTIS and TEXAS BLACK PEPPER SANDWICH - they're my FAVOURITES! yipee! did I mention moms know best? hehehe. thankYOUdodo. grins! we had 2 extremely amiable guests - peter and paul (author's note: just birds, actually) who joined us. sweet fellas. awwwe. HEH. photos are at her blog. teehee. and last night, ian's rents treated us to a 9 course dinner at the civil servant's club. bagus ah? heh. yepp, it was all good. company was even better. guess the girls (well, actually dodo first) noticed a common trait which was... hmm... pretty awkward? I shant say it here either. haha secret secret. :x toilet trips with the girls were so fun! lol we made countless of them actually... smth's wrong with our bladders. HA! btw I heard from the guys that the cleaner used a camera phone to take pictures of us while we're in the toilet. WTH? what's with these foreign workers taking advantage of the females here in sg? effers. SERIOUS. I loathe them. URGH. ah wells thankfully none of us had a skirt or a dress on. phew. to hell with perverts! it's not like one isnt enough to spoil the month? damn.

back on monday, sheri was suppose to take flight but her visa ran into some trouble so it's been postponed to next thursday. ah well, somehow, it's prolly gonna be a blessing in disguise. (: eg. to have a farewell dinner with her catclassmates? heh. she got me a really cool shirt btw! LOVE it to bits. it says, "think smart. think single." HAHA! girl power there? and and AND a poem. soo sweet! (>.<)

aiights. I guess I'll end it here. (if you're wndering why I didnt write abt marcus, well, what's there to talk abt when everybody knows?) hehe. gd day!

2006-01-09T22:02:00.000-08:00

it's more than the eye can see...

I'm still very terrified.
but I swear, my guardian angel appeared. (: Thank God!

... and thank you - bestis (esp henry and aggs), for being there. much love!

2006-01-03T10:40:00.000-08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!

a merry merry 17. ((:

it has been indeed a tremendously hectic 2005, having gone through breakupsss (with friends) and subsequent pitfalls in my studies - I guess I've grown up another notch.

being 17 is like a stepping stone to somewhere between a girl and a woman-to-be, mixed emotions and etc. what's still most impt to me is that God's place in my heart still stands (and perhaps stronger now). lately, responsibilities have been piling up on me and because of that, it's made me realise how God moves in our midst. isnt it amazing? heh.

"She's A Lady" by Tom Jones
Well she's all you'd ever want
She's the kind I'd like to flaunt and take to dinner
Well she always knows her place
She's got style, she's got grace, she's a winner.

She's a Lady. Whoa whoa whoa, she's a Lady
Talkin' about that little Lady, and the Lady is mine.

Well she's never in the way
Always something nice to say, Oh what a blessing.
I can leave her on her own
Knowing she's okay alone, and there's no messing.

She's a Lady. Whoa whoa whoa, she's a Lady
Talkin' about that little Lady, and the Lady is mine.

Well she never asks for very much and I don't refuse her
Always treat her with respect, I never would abuse her.
What she's got is hard to find, and I don't want to lose her.
Help me build a mountain from my little pile of clay.

Hey, hey, hey Well she knows what I'm about,
She can take what I dish out, and that's not easy.
Well she knows me through and through,
She knows just what to do, and how to please me.

She's a Lady. Whoa whoa whoa, she's a Lady
Talkin' about that little Lady, and the Lady is mine.

Yeah yeah yeah, She's a Lady
Listen to me baby, She's a Lady
Whoa whoa whoa, She's a Lady
And the Lady is mine Yeah yeah yeah, She's a Lady
Talkin' about this little Lady
Whoa whoa whoa whoa
And the Lady is mine Yeah yeah, She's a Lady
And the Lady is mine.
---

Lotte's nickname says: welcome to wherever you are. This is your life, you've made it this far.

((: have a nice day, everyone!

2005-12-27T11:00:00.000-08:00

it's 8 more days to merry 17 to me! ((: I feel old (seriously) but I am looking forward to spending it with my bestfriends. that dumbbell ian scared me yesterday by telling me that marv and him are sharing to get me some tiger-skinned dont-know-what? well, even so, I dont wanna know what they've planned. heh. my only wish is to be swept off my feet with a pleasant surprise! woots! ... but... the thing is it's gonna be the first day of school for all of them except me. damn it, it makes me feel stupid can? haha. urgh.

aiights. I gotta find a way to get cash for the Chronicals of Narnia NOW. heh. gd day!

2005-12-25T22:52:00.000-08:00

A MERRY MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL! ((:

truly, God ans prayers in His time. this year, the radical boy found me and it was the bestestestest present I had under my imaginery tree. the miracle is complete! PTL!

actually he came while I was at pract so I asked him to come back after midnight mass. haha! what a demanding little girl I am aye? blehh.

everyone got me really really nice gifts and I appreciate them lots. ((: I shoulve gotten ian and marv bras though. eeurgh. damn it. haha ah wells. there's always next yr. shhh. tell no one. we had fun at henry's - doing what we do best: chillin'. heh. the food was bagus and the company was 10 times better! totally rocked shit. haha.

huggabuggs and muackadoodles for everyone! heh.

2005-12-18T01:11:00.000-08:00

love is giving and forgiving...

((:

... but first, I need to forgive.

when I finally realised how pride gets in the way, I face 2 battle fronts - pride vs friendship. though I'm always hoping for someone else to get the ball rolling, I'll always ask myself, "dont I, too, have a part to play?"

just thought that you (the reader) should know, we're all responsible for the things that occur. and to me, life isnt abt being self righteous; it's abt His righteousness.

cliche? ok larh. goodnight.
lol.

2005-12-16T01:00:00.000-08:00

went for penitential service earlier and it got me thinkin': why bother to confess when I'm not ready to make a change? hence I didnt.

after all that have taken place, I've become more reserved than I ever was. the real world isnt trustworthy and I'm not abt to take another dive. I was carried away and how do I turn everything aroound?

... to be continued.

2005-12-10T10:04:00.000-08:00

good morning. (:

how abt lunch next week? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

dream on, idiot!

2005-12-01T01:53:00.000-08:00

whilst everyone thinks that my problems are getting diminished, it’s only getting heavier on my heart. The world doesnt always see the better side of me and the plights that I'm faced with yet they've given themselves the right to judge. who are they and why have they come? I'm weary-simply because I dont need a reason to be angry with God.

will you ever see what lies beyond the million masks of laughter or join the throng of critics?

nobody hears these cries at night nor anyone to dry a trickle of tear. I'll hafta grow up someday and I will be strong enough.

2005-11-25T08:41:00.000-08:00

your concern is too much for me to handle.

the truth is, I am afraid.

I am what I've left and giving in would risk losing all I've got to you. God knows how many months I'd prayed for this miracle; and just when hope is frail, life takes an unexpected turn to remind me that prayers are answered in His time and ways which we cannot determine.

your mouthful of deceit will not confuse me so why dont you start telling me the truth? of course, history doesnt matter more than the present. while I can only hope for a future.

2005-11-23T22:42:00.000-08:00

*tears* YOU found me...

we met.

you left.

you came back...
and I hope you'll stay for good.

just when you thought you knew where your life is going, you actually dont; and just when you were losing grip, someone will hold you back. it must've been something gd that I've done to derserve half a miracle - that radical boy.

I found a rose in the desert today.

2005-11-18T21:20:00.000-08:00

someone give me a reason.

I dont know why the past matter but for as long as I am kept from it, curiosity will always dwell.

I missed you.

2005-11-18T18:53:00.000-08:00

no. you dont sweep me off my feet and then disappear into nothingness. FYI, I'm NOT heartbroken - just shouldnt have expected anything at all.